Hello? Is thing on? Am I alive? I can’t tell anymore. It’s all artifact video signals, 1k ghost tones from the past and error messages from the future… but if I am still kickin, still in record mode and not in the matrix, then hello there Hollywood Hopefuls!

It’s good to be back online with you. But like I said, it’s been a technological bear at the studio and people are freaking out. My bosses must be hitting their time of the month (cost reports) because they are ON ME BIG TIME about every little thing. Executives, I tell ya… they are all knowing. Haven’t you heard? I mean who could ever doubt the genius of a tiny head lacking blood flow because their Armani neck accessory is too tight? Yes ma’am, of course sir… do I think that’s silly? Oh no, no, boss… I really like your shrug… or cloak.. or whatever the hell you call that $1000 slanket you’re wearing around today. Speaking of royal Snuggies… Do owners and CEO’s of production companies count as clergy? They think so. I guess they must be, because most of them are all about training youngsters to do their dirty bidding, and they are often apt to go on and on with incessant pontificating. Always a demand, never a request. You’d think just ONCE they’d ask about the family… or thank me for saving the company seven figures annually, or notice my new goatee trimming design, or something… and…

…OK, I’m rambling. Sorry.

Anyway, don’t tell them I mentioned any of this, k? I’m already up to my trim tool in this overaged cost report thing and I don’t want to incur his HOLE-iness’s wrath and get stuck at work again this weekend. We’ve been working around the clock and just delivered a rough cut of our new pilot, (title and network deleted to protect the innocent), and we got ridiculous notes back so he’s not a happy camper; and one of the first things you’ll learn in entertainment is that sh*t rolls down hill. If the top ain’t happy then you can rest assured that the middle is suffering… and the middle, then, in turn, takes it out on the rest so that the whole company can commiserate together. A lot like Socialism… but don’t even get me started on the state of the production company called USA!

As far as the pilot goes, the notes did suck, so my boss had a valid reason to be sour. They reminded me of a fantastic parody that the Bud Light ad guys did a while back. Here’s a taste of what you can expect from the Hollywood network brain trusts… enjoy!


B Grass –

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