Chapter 1

Disneyland’s New Ride – The TRIPOCALYPSE

Definition of (trip-pocalypse) – A Trip or Journey that alters your life in a disturbing way.

Ride Synopsis :

It opens with a magical ‘Ground Hog Day’ esque story line. A recurring 14 day road trip thru the ‘Orange Curtain’ of hell. (‘Orange Curtain’ is referring to the roughly 35 miles of jam packed freeways and bi-ways that separate Los Angeles from the major areas of Orange County, The OC.) These four brave young Hollywood PA’s, will all be trapped, strapped-in and forced to suffer through a never-ending parade of drive thru windows, car on car assaults and unruly mobs of mostly sticky children and their over-weight impatient parents. And much like a pack of angry Honey Badgers, (these people didn’t give a f*@# either). That’s not all, this formidable foe of adversaries was reinforced by an unrelenting army of mostly untalented young and old adults that were very likely undergoing some type of therapy. Costumed up like cartoon characters from my little sister’s favorite Tv shows, they marched to a beat that they only heard . Well, that’s not necessarily true. Oh yea, I forgot… There’s lots of singing and dancing on this ride as well. It’s a Musical.. And we all know how awesome musicals can be.. Right!

Do you have any Grey Poupon

Do you happen to have any Grey Poupon..?

So sit back.. Keep your Hands inside…
Enjoy the Ride >>
clack.. clack.. clack.. clack.. clack..
Cue the V.O Guy… Cue the Tunnel Strobe…
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A long long time ago in land far far away… O.K. fine it was 12 years ago and it was just anaheim, which is just 35 minutes southeast of LA for all you non-locals, but that’s like trying to drive to Vegas on a Friday to a L.Alien (A Bad Idea – Bumper to Bumper). P.s. – I’m trademarking that phrase (L.Alien) if the Kardashians or Charlie Sheen don’t already own it.. Now back to the ride.

Picture this for your first Hollywood Career PA job assignment. 14 days in the field shooting a game show for the Disney Channel at the Disneyland amusement park. And the entire cast & crew is being put up at one of the local hotels. Wow! Right… I thought I was the luckiest guy on the planet earth. Summer was upon us and I was getting paid $100 a day to go on location for 14 straight days w/ meals included. I was just 3 Months in LA and my foot was in the proverbial ‘Door’, mom ‘I’m Going To Disneyland”.

I really really thought it couldn’t get any better than that, and you know what? It didn’t. I was politely told to read the fine print later on in the week at one of our last pre-production meetings before we left, something you should always do in Hollywood, ‘Read The Fine Print’. In this case however, it was my Production Manager reading it for us. He sat all 4 of the PA’s down and proceeded to tell us there was somewhat of a catch with our accommodations down in Anaheim. The catch was that our accommodations didn’t exist, “just not enough money in the budget for you guys” he replied. “So Sorry!” WTF…. “So what does that mean”, I thought to myself, but before I could come up with an intelligent answer, I was tossed a set a van keys and handed our Call-Sheets for the shoot. All of which, had a start time of 7am everyday in Anaheim. As the tumblers in my brain started to click one-by-one, I slowly began to realize the full impact of these actions. Us 4 PA’s were just sold up river by my Bentley driving boss for the cost of a few car washes. “You cheap f’ing bastard..”

Hollywood PA Tip –
“Never forget one thing, Most entry-level PA’s are an always changing and faceless entity within a Hollywood production company. The PA’s will be used to save (i.e. make) the company (i.e. your boss) money at any given time, Whether it’s by giving you more work to do to save them from having to hire someone else or when times are tight and the company wide perks start ending, it will always begin with you, the lowly PA. It’s lose lose in both directions. So keep your eyes & ears open, because your job, desk, parking spot, computer, dinner, lunch or in this case my breakfast, dinner and bed just might be taken’ away from you from some d-bag in a Rolls Royce slathering Grey Poupon on a sandwich you just bought for him.”

Stay tuned to find out how this tragic journey unfolds. We haven’t even gotten to the ‘Singing & Dancing’ yet..

Dingo –

dingo's Bio

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1 Response » to “Hollywood Production Assistant Horror Stories : Unbelievable, yet true tales of PA abuse and crying.. Lots of crying!”

  1. Anthony says:

    For me that isn’t a big deal. I’ve done other odd jobs that required more energy than the PA jobs I got. From the list of my job history, I’d say that being a PA is the second most boring job I’ve ever did. Maybe I’m lucky, but I’m the kind of person that prefers to work constantly than having long periods of time waiting to do something.

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